Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
