Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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