don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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