I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
