I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
