Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Im part way to drunk.
you never un-have a 4some
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
