We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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