I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
