Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
