WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
