I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
