wat bout pragnant strippers??
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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