She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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