he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize