You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
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There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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