So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
