i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
