how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
