you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
