so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
As shirtless as possible
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
