I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
