You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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