haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
