Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
