hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
