i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
