So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
