THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
