Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
