If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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