so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
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He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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