Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
