if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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