ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
