i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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