She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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