On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
