It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
