regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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