i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
