Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
