And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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