she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
