I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
