My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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