Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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