Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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