is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
