she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
