I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
