I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
