The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
