You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have tasted many bathrooms
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
