About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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