I will die if light touches me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
