I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize