i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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