My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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