i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
