Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
