Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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