I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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