Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
