She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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