I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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