Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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