i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
