he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
