Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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