My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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