her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
soo... how was my night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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