Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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