Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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