I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
