I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
