why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
