Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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